*Whenever I do sit down and attempt to write, I always think of Hank Moody. For those of you who aren't familiar with him, he is the protagonist in Showtime's hit, Californication. Hank is self-loathing and wallows in his pity, but has the best intentions throughout the entire series. He is a writer with a routine. Hank sits down at his laptop, pours a glass of scotch, lights a cigarette and ultimately writes a masterpiece. I have a similar routine, but I replace the scotch with coffee, replace the masterpiece with word vomit, and I sit on my patio (usually).*
I know that most people are aware of the "Bartender Code". For those of you who aren't aware of it, it is a series of unwritten rules that are understood between the bar patron and the bar keep. Look it up on Google. I bet you won't even find it on there. A few examples of that code is: 1) You didn't see ANYTHING 2) You were never here 3)We never discuss the tip, etc. One part of the code bothers me more than the rest. "I didn't see anything". Well, call me crazy, but I did see EVERYTHING. Unfortunately for me, I cannot hit a delete button and erase what occurred most nights. As much as I would like to pop a Xanax and drown in vodka to rid myself of the horrid events of the night, I have responsibilities now. That is not an option.
With the code being in place, it often makes me question my morals. A married couple walks in the bar one night and has a wonderful time. A few days later, the husband comes in, without a ring, and with another woman. A couple days following that, the married couple comes in again. What is so offensive to me is that the guy stares me down hoping that I don't rat him out in any sort of way. I am a bitch to the core, but I would never want to make things worse as well as breaking the code that has been around for hundreds of years. So being the good bartender that I am, I smile and ask for their drink orders. In a sense, I have the upper hand. Their fate was in my hands and I will always have blackmail material.
I see "adults" ditch their families for the bar. Kids are home fixing their own dinner while mom and dad are drinking a twenty pack of beer each. I also deal with the guy who doesn't have money to pay his bills but will run up a one hundred dollar bar tab drinking the cheapest beer we have to offer. In the bar industry, you deal with the depressed, the lonely, the assholes, and the adulterers. I am no Saint by any means, but you can only see so much.
Do remember that I have been tending bar for about seven years now. It does wear its tole on a person. You see so many things that question your faith in humanity which ultimately makes you question your own morals. I know that I have become a very bitter person because of it. What is unfortunate is that the bitterness sometimes rolls over into my personal life. Many bartenders suffer from the same issue. You start to not trust people at all, relationships often crash and burn, and the only thing that seems to be worth anything is a glass of vodka after work. The Bartender Code is set in place to protect everyone but the bartender.
B.
